Dear Uterus Monkey,
This letter is to inform you that as of tomorrow, February 1, 2011, you will have approximately 35 days to vacate your current location. You have been residing at said resdience for 35 weeks and your lease is almost up. I regret to inform you that it is non-renewable. Should you choose to vacate the premises before March 9, please be sure that all of your organs are fully functional and in prime, working condition. In the event that you choose to stay beyond the remaining 35 days, be advised that certain measures may be taken to expedite the vacating process. If you refuse to vacate on your own and we are forced to send someone in to retrieve you, please be aware of the consequences. You will be forced to spend the first hour of your life with your father while I am in post-op recovery. Yes, your father. The man who has suggested Theodore, Barnabus, and Frodo as names for you. Please make your decision on how to enter the world wisely.
I have enjoyed having you as a resident. I hope you have enjoyed your stay in Utero-ala-Mommy. We are excited to meet you and hope to make your transition into your new home a success!